Gender Traitors

For those of you that don’t know me well enough, I’ve long been a subscriber to the school of thought that men are a superior gender.  That doesn’t mean that women aren’t better in some things (nurturing, childbirth, mental terrorism, etc.), just that on the whole – men are better.  We’re better inventors, builders, leaders, warriors, statesmen, writers, actors, playwrights, novelists, poets, philosophers… you get the idea.

Women, by nature, are weaker than men (And if you’re a woman reading this who can avoid rage-quitting the article right now, I’ll show you how this can be properly used as an advantage later on!) – physically, emotionally, and mentally.  Think of the strongest woman you can (You know – that epic bodybuilder-type that a woman in a losing argument will inevitably compare an average man to.)… the strongest man is stronger.  Think of the most rational, logical woman you can… most every man is at least as rational and logical – and most are more so.  Think of the smartest woman you can – or better yet, Google the world’s top IQ slots; you know who’s never had that top slot?  A woman.  That’s because men are smarter as well.

Now, don’t get me wrongly.  I’m not saying this to be mean.  This is a scientific observation.  Nature has given women the short end of the stick.  It’s not your fault, if you’re a woman – it’s just how things worked out.  Whether you believe in creation or evolution, you can pretty much agree that women are the yin to a man’s yang.  We balance each other out as opposites.  Plus, I just have to assume that the Universe enjoys drama so much that he threw in a few histrionics to the female gender just to keep men on their toes.

Here’s where I have a beef: modern men have forgotten this fact.  The media, advertisers, and entertainment industries have been pushing the comedic trope of the “dumb husband” down our throats for so many decades, that some men have actually begun to believe that they are either literally equal to or (heaven forbid) less than the average woman!  The socially inept man has followed suit, going from the relatively harmless stance of being in awe of a strange woman’s beauty – to seeing her as some sort of goddess bulwark, impregnable to even the slightest of casual repartee.

Due to limp-wristed writers and “leaders” of every kind, men have begun to forget (and worse, consider it offensive to state) how awesome and inspiring and brilliant we really are!  There used to be grand statues made, detailing the glorious musculature of the male form.  During the height of Attic (Athenian) democracy, there was even a city whose streets were lined with statues whose proud, erect phalli made archways of noble defiance.

And yes, I know that to the common reader, the fact that a man could be so inspired by the male form would draw the puerile jibe of: “He must be gay!”  Having spent a great deal of time in the company of gay friends, let me tell you – straight men are (oddly enough) the last people that gay men or women seek to compliment.  I mean sure, my gay male friends would make flirtatious comments about some random guy’s “nice ass” or what-not, but say a man is most worthy of leadership in front of that same gay man, and you’re likely to be crucified.

My main concern is a comedic one… and I don’t mean funny, I mean “as pertains to comedy itself”.  Smart people have long known that as long as you say you’re “only joking”, you can pretty much get away with anything.  That’s why “The Daily Show” (and shows like it) are the last bastions of truth in this country.  Insult and offend with harsh truths and reality, but do it with a smile on your face (or while laughing) and people receive the information without being either insulted or offended.

That said, there are several comedians who I recognize as gender traitors who either pander to their female audiences by putting the vagina on a pedestal, or by bashing the penis or balls.  (I won’t say who the comediennes are that bash males, because it’s pretty much all of them.)  Some of these men, prior to their incendiary remarks, even held places of high honor in my esteem, only to remove themselves as wholly as a castration from my regard with their misandrist remarks.  (Also, I think it’s bullshit that most spelling editors recognize the words misogynist/misogyny right off the bat, but dare to type the words misandrist or misandry and all of a sudden the spell-checkers pretend that there are no such words, even though evidences of hatred of males abound in American society.)

Gender Traitors in the Comedy Industry

Louis C.K. –  This one hurts, as I once held him in high regard (and he is still incredibly funny), but he has said far too many things in praise of the vagina whilst deprecating himself and males to not be regarded as a traitor.  Here is a recent example in “Louis C.K. – Live at the Beacon Theater” (from 57:55 to 1:01:00).

Katt Williams – Also, this was a fall from grace… and an unexpected one at that.  One would naturally expect a comedian who put out a DVD called “The Pimp Chronicles” to at least have a male bias.  But in his latest endeavor, “Kattpacalypse”, he’s not long into it before he’s pandering to the female crowd in a very unacceptable way – endorsing female cheating while vilifying the male version.  It happens to be a DVD I’d bought (because his former work was on point), so even though the clip isn’t on YouTube, I can tell you it starts at 11:48 in and goes to 15:00.

Jim Gaffigan – Even though he was in my top five comedians way before I discovered really funny ones, Jim hadn’t been in that top five for a while before he released the offensive “Mr. Universe”.  In fact, he’s so generally clean and bland, that he was one of the few comedians that had so little askew in his comedy (aside from what they’d call “blasphemy”) that I felt safe showing to my parents.  Here’s the offensive clip (from 3:13 to 4:13).

And yes, I know it’s only a minute of comedy, but it’s that same jackassery that I get so tired of hearing about – childbirth, and how men contribute “so little” to it.  You know what, ladies?  It’s not a miracle.  It’s a natural thing your bodies do that just happens to involve another person.  And a full 50% of the genetic code comes from us… men.  If it’s such a miracle, have one without a man.  No one has (unless you count the “virgin” Mary, whom I’m convinced is just a woman that really stuck to her story)!  Incidentally, that idea was first a Greg Giraldo bit.  And you know what else?  I’m sick of hearing how painful it is.  Male anesthesiologists invented drugs for you; quit whining.  I’ve passed kidney stones and hard-as-fuck, coming-off-of-opiates poops without drugs, and still made less of a fuss; and having been in the delivery room three times, I am convinced mine hurt even more.  I’m just a tough, badass motherfucker… like most real men.

Anyway, there are more, I’m sure – but I’m done writing for now.  But before I leave I’ll do two things: provide a handy list of hilarious comedians that don’t bash men and have balls to their comedy, and tell you that I do intend to keep my promise to the ladies about showing them how to use their true femininity as a strength (just in a later post – sorry, this one’s done for now).

So here’s the list of: REAL MAN APPROVED COMEDIANS

1.  Bill Burr – Actually reminds me of myself a lot.

2.  Jim Jefferies – If I were a drunk and more in shape, I’d be Jim Jefferies.

3.  Greg Giraldo – I never heard anything from Greg in his entire life that I either disagreed with, or found fault with in any way.  He was a true comic genius, and he passed before the world was ready to let him go, I assure you.

4.  Anthony Jeselnik – Meant to be the “offensive” Comedy Central Roast fill-in for Greg, he does not disappoint.

5.  Daniel Tosh – Although some of his material comes off as gay, I’m convinced that it’s just a defense mechanism for him.

That’s all for now.  Remind me and next time I’ll tell you, dear readers, about how a woman can use her natural, unique talents as perfectly acceptable strengths – without making herself into a misandristic, cynical harridan.