I would’ve made one hell of a medieval hermit.  Seriously, as much as I enjoy being alone and (more importantly) independent, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if in a previous life I were a monk, a pioneer, or even Adam.

Do Solitarians like myself ever get lonely?  Occasionally.  But it’s a far more often desire that we be left alone, or that there just be fewer people.  And if I were honestly introspective about that, I’d probably have to say that it has less to do with my misanthropic tendencies, but more with the root cause of those tendencies.

People (in general) are evil.  The only way most people will not fail to disappoint you is in the fact that they will typically disappoint you.  And the sad part is: those are the best people.  The worst of our evil race will go above and beyond to not only make you doubt the goodness of mankind itself, but to make you dream at night of mass human extinction.

And don’t get me wrongly: I’m not generally a violent person.  Though I am a huge, hulking beast of a man that works security in some of the roughest clubs in NYC, violence is generally my last solution to a problem.  Most people are merely stupid enough that a simple “talking-to” is all they require.  It is the truly idiotic that must be restrained or punched in the face.  So, to envision me as the next leader of a coup bent on national genocide would be ridiculous in the extreme.

But if someone were to pull such a maneuver off, possibly even killing me in the process?  I can’t say I’d be opposed to it.  Bill Burr would say stop fucking.  I’m pretty sure fuckers need to die.  Again, though – I’m not a violent person; I just wish it would happen most days.  I guess as long as I’m not personally involved, it seems less bad to me.

And don’t get up on your high horses, either.  I know plenty of people that stand back every day and watch other people get berated, beat down, or otherwise violated without coming to the other person’s aid or defense.  You’re just as bad as me imagining the lot of you being murdered by your new dictatorial overlord.

True story: when I got back to NYC this time (as luck would have it), I got off the bus a stop too early.  Because of that, I ended up on the sidewalk in the early dark morning hours on the lower east side – a few blocks from Times Square.  I had on a backpack and was also carrying a loaded sea bag with my only two pillows shoved through the straps.  I had barely gotten that all together (and was still in kind of a fog from sleeping only a rough hour or two on the bus) when I heard a small (about 5’7″), young (20s), light-skinned Latino dude – also wearing a backpack – yelling out for help.

HELP!  HELP ME!  They’re taking my bags!  SOMEBODY HELP ME!”  I looked up from setting down my sea bag to see that one large (about 6’6″ or so), heavyset, bearded Black guy and another tall (about 5’10”) yet skinny Black guy with a “crackhead/homeless” look to him were both yanking at two other bags that the little Latino dude had brought with him.  The black bags were boxy in shape, and almost as tall as he was, so needless to say – he couldn’t control their possession and was about to be robbed.

As I was clearing all the “This must be staged,” TV bullshit/conditioning from my head, I looked around to see if anyone else was taking it seriously.  The bus driver (near its door) averted his gaze.  All of the passengers that had gotten off already were merely watching.  One had flipped open a video phone.

Shit.  This is actually happening,” I thought.  I set down my sea bag (containing the majority of the worldly goods I’d brought with me) and walked over to help.  “Whoa!  Hey… guys.  Seriously, whose bags are these?” was all I could think to ask as I came face-to-face with the robbers.  The only one of the men who answered me was the Latino guy who yelled, mid-struggle: “They’re mine!  These are my bags!

Oddly, surreally, neither of the Black guys made eye contact with me.  I knew whose side to take, and began pulling at the bag straps to aid the small Latino guy, all the while (somehow) keeping my cool, repeating: “C’mon, guys… stop.  Just let this one go.”  During the struggle, I lost my balance and ended up falling on top of one (or both – I don’t remember) of the bags – which the guys still didn’t stop pulling at (even with an additional 300 pounds of me on top of it all).  Check that: I think at that point the crackhead-looking dude tagged out with another average-build younger Black dude.

It was about two more minutes of struggle and the only other help that came was in the form of a scrappy little Black guy (who’d also been a passenger), who rushed at the huge Black dude like he was gonna fight him (which was really just kinda funny – as the large dude swatted him off like a mosquito), and the Latino guy’s darker-skinned Latino friend (who finally disembarked) who began pulling as well, yelling for the police (and back to the still-merely-gawking crowd to call the police).  One young, light-skinned Black woman began calling for the police as well, fumbling with her phone as if she had them on speed-dial.

After all of that (and true-to-life anticlimactically), the thieves just gave up and made their ways down the sidewalk away from the bus crowd and into the night.  I think a minute later, a cop car showed up with a cop inside it that never even got out.  The two Latino dudes quickly found a cab and safely packed their bags into it without ever thanking me or the other scrappy Black guy that had helped them.

And you know what?  I don’t care if you embody the 2% of that story that were the literal criminals, the 2% that were the ungrateful victims, or the 94% that were the jackass, apathetic bystanders… odds are pretty good that you weren’t the 2% of us that were actually helpful.  And if you 98%-er shitheads were to fall off the face of the earth or be otherwise killed today (or any day), not a single 2%-er would miss you.  You add to the chaos in my life without adding anything of value – even while I add value to your lives.

So yeah – that’s why I’d just rather be alone; that’s a small part of why I’m an MGHOW; and that’s why a global apocalypse would be a fucking Godsend.  >_<

About Emperor Lu Bu

The Emperor of Xeresgate - if you wish to know more, read my words.
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