It’s not often that I read another blogger’s post that strikes such a personal note with me, but this one was it! I’m not going to overshadow its message with a laborious narrative here, and would even strongly suggest that you go read it before you read past the following line for my few personal comments.
I generally disapprove of things that give young women an advantage (via intelligent advice) as it pertains to “The Game”, as – let’s face it – breasts alone are generally too much of an advantage when utilized properly. This article was from a married man to married women, however, so I will allow it.
And as a former married man, I have to say that had my ex-wife been privy to his advice then (by some miracle, informed of the article by someone other than myself), it’s entirely possible that she would have A) not become the frigid, cheating bitch that she eventually became, and B) taken even a shred of responsibility for the health of our relationship.
(A quick aside: the latter of those two things is now a major reason that I no longer put much stock in Christianity. First of all, when the Bible says that a man is to be the head of his household* and that the real responsibility/punishment for sin in marriage isn’t brought about until the man partakes in it [One of the underlying messages in the Biblical account of “original sin” in Genesis 3 – you’ll notice their eyes weren’t both opened until the man ate with her, and when it came time for a reckoning, Yahweh called for Adam first, even though he had sinned last.], the most devoutly Christian churches take that to mean that the husband does all the work for the household (and relationship) primarily, and that if there is any fault in the household, it can be traced back to a weakness or failing in the man. This is, of course, bullshit because it absolves the woman of even a passive responsibility for the man’s children or for their romantic relationship.
Secondly, I recall a church that I thought to be a good one at the time (when our marriage was still young) wherein the pastor (I won’t mention his name, but if my kids want to ask me someday, I’ll tell them.) was called – by me (thanks to all the guilt that this kind of religious lifestyle perennially placed on me) – to arbitrate a dispute between my wife and I after she had discovered that I’d rented an R-rated (typical B-movie type nudity fare) movie on my video rental card one time. She, of course, immediately knew the root problem was my “lust” for “pornography”, and not her utter lack of attention to my manly needs, thanks to this enabling “Christian” environment. The pastor, of course, without even questioning (like he should have), whether or not she had been tending to my needs properly as a wife, immediately prescribed a public restitution both of admitting my sin in front of the whole damn church and of going back to the video store to try to find the clerk from which I had rented the movie and apologize for doing so!
With this kind of radically man-abusive start to our marriage, is it any wonder that she became more and more disinclined to take responsibility for the many things she did wrongly in our marriage? And could anyone fault me for seeking refuge in my own imagination’s “GFE” and the always-present support of pornography that further emotionally separated us?
NO. And it was Christianity that led us there.)
The long and the short of it is this – if you are a married woman that has read the article in the links at the beginning of this post, take its advice!! It is completely good advice, and I strongly feel that had my marriage merely lacked Christian male-guilting quagmires and had a good wife willing to follow those instructions, it would still be a marriage to this day.
* Ephesians 5:23
the more I read your blog, the more I understand you
I suppose that would go without saying for any blog that gradually reveals the character of the writer.
Most blogs shy away from that, though, and I tend to be an honest man – whether on the page or in person. Hell, if you were just a stranger I’d met someplace (with an infinite amount of time to listen), you’d likely spend a lifetime listening to my thoughts.
I guess your honest approach is what appeals to me. Even though I am a woman, I tend to think like a man. A rather chauvinistic one at that. I guess my alter ego is drawn to you. I also tried marriage once in the Christian world. I was raised by a dominant mother and passive father however. I married a sissy. I can completely relate to the kind of advice you will get from a preacher on many topics
I can relate to your marriage-personality inequity. I married a woman that only pretended to be submissive and obedient for about the first year and a half. But the first time I went out to sea (Navy) and she got her hands on the checkbook (and her first taste of “running” the house), she forever lusted after the kind of power that I would immediately take back from her every time I returned… to her constant resentment.
I know of many “sissy” males as you call them – and the majority of them are, in fact, married. These Betas are merely the path of least resistance for women (not saying you specifically, but you can tell me if this applies) looking for security and financial stability. Not long after the honeymoon, however, they find that they resent the fact that they are perennially stuck with such non-Alpha males.
There are just so many ways for a marriage to go wrongly these days that I am always amazed that people still enter into matrimony so readily. It really leaves me flabbergasted.
I understand what you are saying but that wasn’t the case with me. I was determined to be an overly submissive wife. After watching my mother belittle my hard working father all of my life, I wanted nothing more than to start a life doing exactly the opposite of her. In my case, there was no lust after money. If I had been lusting for money, I certainly wouldn’t have married the one I did. No, he was a sissy like going out on me with other men. Also, his occupation was minister. I was a ministers wife to a gay man. A man who didn’t deserve all of the submission I gave to him. I once commented to you about how I am not for women’s rights because all it did was make men lazy.
I seem to recall that, now that you mention it – and I agree with the sentiment.
It sucks that hindsight is the most extensive instructor, but that’s always the case. I married a harridan, and you married a homosexual. If time machines existed, who knows if anyone would be married nowadays! X)
I was lucky – I married an arsehole, submitted, got beaten..then ‘partnered’ a beautiful man who I worship and adore and who treats me like gold…just saying 😉 BUT – he had his hands full getting me to understand he did not want to take advantage of me and use me and hurt me. THAT took time!
AND – he got confused – now I have to show him my gratitude for his patience and that he will ALWAYS be the one I look up to and adore, and that I not only want to be his wife, but his girlfriend 😉 (which I kinda do already – mostly!) BUT – that I also, have learned a lot over the years about how men think and FEEL and HE has shown me how I want our son to be. I think I am getting there…I truly hope so. I believe in God – and I believe he led me away from the hypocrisy that is the church as we know it today – honestly, with my mans guidance. I wanted to revolt – but I kept hearing ‘ephesians 5’ – which is why I am commenting…again.
We have been through ups and downs and all the rest, but we have learned and respected, and tried to fall under OUR understanding of ‘Godliness’.
I just am appalled by what goes on, and appalled by your experience with being hauled infront of the church like that. I have seen it. I have experienced similar when I left my ex – I was scorned ridiculed and belittled for leaving an abusive ‘marriage’ – I remember my now partner saying ‘THATS not a marriage – its a legal piece of paper!
Oh I am so pleased to have stumbled across your site (and others) I have felt alone in this pattern of thought – it is with great joy that I SEE something happening.
But please – don’t blame God for mans/womans twisted perceptions. He must be horrified at the state of the ‘church’ as it is. Once again – this is to YOU – feel free to edit as you wish!! 😀
I don’t blame God… trust me. I blame Yahweh – that god is a dick, in my experience. But that’s a topic for another time.
What I will say is that the hell that you initially put your caring husband through (in the beginning of your relationship) is far too common these days and UTTERLY UNFAIR! I even remember this shitty song being written about it.
What women these days need to understand is the same thing you want US to understand about OUR past loves: It is NOT OUR FAULT what the last guy did to you!
As such, it is NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY to clean up the mess he made… It’s YOURS!
If you come into a new relationship expecting the new guy to CLEAN UP after the old one, then that is completely unfair, childish, and LAZY.
You are EXTREMELY FORTUNATE that you found a man patient enough to stay with you long enough for YOU to get over your past love. Most Alphas drop women with emotional baggage like that in a HEARTBEAT (and rightly so!).
I hope you have the utmost respect for your current husband, and cherish the HELL out of him – he certainly deserves it.
ps – ‘wife’ as in relationship wise – not legalistically. Did you come across this article? What is your take on it? http://web.archive.org/web/20060616073124/http://faithandsociety.typepad.com/faith_and_society/2006/05/why_should_chri.html
Do remove link if needed 😉 Just seeking your opinion once again.
That guy is FUCKING AWESOME!
Except for having to put “God” into it (but I see the necessity, considering the subject matter), he is PERFECTLY ON-POINT!
I swear, except for the God stuff, this guy writes with a MGHOW voice. Reading it aloud, it actually sounds like things I’D say.
Bra-fucking-VO to that writer!
That was a truly insightful and detailed argument to read. ^_^