Frontiersman-type Things I’d Like to Do before I’m Unable to Do Them

This just occurred to me (as apparently someone in NYC thinks around sunset [7:15 PM] is the perfect time to be using a circular saw), but there are several frontiersman-type things I would like to do before I’m physically unable (which I realize may be right around the corner).  These are all pretty much things that may be done by a large man like me (by himself), and we’ll just overlook (for now) the prerequisite of owning the forested mountain land that is inhabited by bears and deer and what-not.

1) Chop down a large tree with nothing else but a large ax (and possibly a hatchet, if needed).  I want to see what it feels like to do that without the aid of a chainsaw.
2) Till, plant, weed, tend, grow, and harvest about an acre of corn/tomatoes/potatoes/green peppers/onions/string beans.
3) Plant and raise an orchard of fruit trees – red apples, oranges, lemons, peaches, and maybe bananas if I can get them to grow in the same climate.
4) To go with the fruit trees, I’d need strawberry and blueberry bushes and perhaps a vine or two of grapes (the purple kind, not the green kind).
5) Mill a large log into planks, and see how accurately I could do it without any heavy machinery.
6) Quarry out some large stones, and ply stonemasonry to fashion them into 1 foot square blocks for an outer wall (to practice before the castle).
7) Dig a mountain foundation for a strong castle keep – down to bedrock.
8) Make cotton clothing from the planting of the cotton to the harvesting, to the thread-making, to the weaving, and then fashioning into clothes.
9) Make under-armor from freshly-harvested silks (guess I’ll have to find out how to raise silk worms), and dye them afterwards.
10) Make vestments and light armors from deerskins, cowhides, and grizzly-bearskins.  And while I’m at it, face and kill a bear at least taller than me by a half (9 and 1/2 feet standing, for those of you too lazy to do the math) – armed with nothing but an Asian metal spear and probably a machete.

There’s more, I’m sure, but I have to get ready for work right now… and I’m pretty sure this heat is about to melt my laptop.  *sigh*

About Emperor Lu Bu

The Emperor of Xeresgate - if you wish to know more, read my words.
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6 Responses to Frontiersman-type Things I’d Like to Do before I’m Unable to Do Them

  1. LindaGHill says:

    How in the hell are we too lazy to do the math if we don’t already know you’re 6’4″1/4 inches tall in the first place?

    • *tsk tsk tsk*

      Oh, Linda… I mentioned my height specifically in the first comment I responded to (a mere hour after the post was published) on this post – which you liked.

      Also, had you read this post, you would’ve been able to deduce (with simple math) from my advice to my son (Question #3) what my height is.

      But then again, math does not seem to be your strong suit. If 9’6″ (nine and 1/2 feet) is 150% of my height (taller by half), then 100% of my height would be 6’4″, not 6’4″ and 1/4… like you supposed.

      So perhaps you might not have been too lazy to do the math – merely unable. You were too lazy to read. 😉

  2. Erudite Knight says:

    I’ve been in the process of sawing a tree down with just a rock, its taken years so far.

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