WRITERS BEWARE: Amazon is a Corporate Whore and a Godmother to Trolls!

Image courtesy of samuelloveland.com, who also has a...

Image courtesy of samuelloveland.com, who also has a…

great article of why Amazon merging with Goodreads was a shitty idea.

———

It took me less than a month dealing with Amazon to discover what other people have apparently known for quite some time now.  I realize that some indie writers have found a way to seclude themselves enough from the online community to avoid the kinds of things that happened to me there (and make a passable living), but I’m guessing that the really talented writers in that number are few and far between.

I swear… if it’s not the big-name publishing houses screwing over the little guy, then it’s the corporate attitude of the other big whore (Amazon) that does it.  If you’re starting from nothing (i.e. – square one, little to no money) in the writing game, the odds are stacked against you, and the other teams will laugh at your attempts at insurrection all the way to the bank.

But enough prologue: allow me to delineate here (other than the host of voices in the link above) why starting writers should avoid like the plague CreateSpace (owned by Amazon) and Kindle Direct Publishing (also an affiliate of Amazon).

1)  They are disingenuous about royalty streams.  Let’s take my book, for example.  It has a list price of $10, which I thought was fair, given current market trends.  I am allowed to set that at will.  That is the actual price one pays when purchasing my book from the CreateSpace page.  This price promises $2 more in royalties from readers who are brave enough to pay the author’s list price whilst looking at a page (which I had no hand in designing, take note) admittedly far less snazzy than the average Amazon listing page.

Then there’s the Amazon page.  If there is any given day where you sell even one copy of your book on CS (Trust me; I know.), Amazon will drop the advertised list price of your book a full 50 cents on their site to attempt to draw any more sales decidedly their way.

This is corporate evil on two levels: A) the Amazon.com royalty is $2 less, so they could afford to drop the book down by $1.99 off the list price and still come out ahead of the writer (who they barely pay even as it is), and B) everyone looking for your book with any search engine is going to see the Amazon entry for your book before the CS entry (In the case of Google, Amazon was the #1 entry and CS dragged across the finish line at #10!), making it nearly impossible to get any sales through CS.

2)  They are dishonest about printing/shipping times.  So forget about paying your light bill without a second job, unless you’ve got enough physical stamina to stand on your feet all day selling your book to whoever passes by (and God help you if you don’t live in a major metropolitan area with lots of foot traffic!).

But even that will be hindered by Amazon, as they take their sweet ass time getting “writer proofs” (“at-cost” copies of your book) to you.  For example, the “proof” copies of my book I ordered through CS five days ago are set to arrive by the 21st.  Guess what the slowest shipping option Amazon has to offer today is promising?  Yep – the 21st.  Fuck.

3)  They create the perfect atmosphere for trolls.  Before I start this one, allow me to say that I almost didn’t.  I don’t like giving shitty people press – whether good or bad – because they just don’t deserve it.  If they were worth a damn, you’d hear about them from anyone else before you’d hear about them from me, so I hate to give low-life nobodies the time of day.

That said, something must be said about the shit-eating, smarmy trolls that decided it was worth their times to 1) buy something other than my book on Amazon (Believe me, I checked!), which gives them free reign to review anything (more on that fucktarded Amazon business practice later!), and then 2) write defamatory reviews about a book that they clearly have not read… all for the fun of being miscreant douchenozzles.

First of all, as you can see from the Amazon link, these idiots cannot spell (and as such, one can quickly determine that even if they are writers, they’re shitty ones).  Secondly, you can take one look at the accounts the reviews are posted from to see that they’ve only reviewed my book – ergo, they are lying shitheads.  Thirdly, I’ve been keeping a close watch on my book sales (enough that I personally know every person that has bought this book – these twat-waffles are not among them).  Lastly, their entries betray the fact that they have not read my book – Moron #1 mentions something only discussed by me on a separate forum (that’s not in the book), and Moron #2 clearly says that he hasn’t read past the first chapter!

“Yep, those are the kinds of idiots Amazon should allow to review my books!” he commented, his speech dripping with irony.  Which leads me to number 4…

4)  They stymie the attempts of writers to protect their reputations.  Imagine for a second that you’re a new writer – eager to get your life’s work “out there” – and one of the very first things you run afoul of are some mouth-breathing degenerates like the above two asswipes.  The first thing you’d hope Amazon would be willing to do is (when presented with all the evidence I’ve just shared with you) TAKE THE GODDAMNED REVIEWS DOWN.  I mean, shouldn’t they?!?  The trolls didn’t even buy the product!!

That point is moot to at least three Amazon fuckheads from “customer service” that I dealt with.  Like most hypocritical corporate drones, they hid behind policy

P.S. - Just in case you may be harboring some delusions that we MAY be on your side, writers... please feel free to eat a bag of dicks.

P.S. – Just in case you may be harboring some delusions that we MAY be on your side, writers… please feel free to eat a bag of dicks.

What the fuck, Amazon?!?  So it doesn’t matter that I can prove that the trolls haven’t bought or read my book, but just that their “reviews” fall into some arbitrary rules you’ve set up to keep your customers (not the product creators!) happy??  You shitbag corporate fuck-muffins!  FUCK YOU!!!!

What’s worse is that these avaricious fucks won’t let you post any responses against the trolls unless you’ve done with your account exactly what they did with theirs: BUY SOMETHING.  You greedy corporate whore, Amazon!  I hope all your collective legs grow together and you’re then forced to suffer the pirate curse of being able to enjoy NOTHING (from Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl)… because that’s exactly what you deserve!

I don’t know about you, faithful readers, but I (for one) will never be buying anything from Amazon (or their affiliates) again!  Even though it will hurt future sales of my book (until I release a new edition), I’d suggest that you do the same.  If you want my book in the mean time, use the CS link in protest.  😉

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About Emperor Lu Bu

The Emperor of Xeresgate - if you wish to know more, read my words.
This entry was posted in Instructional, Published Works, Rant, Update. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to WRITERS BEWARE: Amazon is a Corporate Whore and a Godmother to Trolls!

  1. Oddly enough, how I’m feeling right now…

    ^_^

  2. UPDATE: I found an old Amazon account of mine where I had purchased something, so was allowed to comment (proving my assertion that one doesn’t have to buy the product in order for Amazon to allow one to comment on it). It’s maddening, I know, but that’s how they are.

    Fortunately, that bladed pendulum swings BOTH WAYS, and the charlatan “reviewers” have received their comeuppance TWICE now.

    Check and mate, you fake review-posting BITCHES! >:)
    Now go write a book or shut the fuck up.

    (Incidentally, for all my faithful readers, please do stop by the Amazon link and VOTE UP my review [the 5-star one, obviously], as those assholes obviously have troll friends to vote up THEIR “reviews”, and it is perfectly within your powers to strike a blow for us WRITERS! Thanks in advance; I love you guys.) ^_^

  3. Referee says:

    I’ve noticed that several people who I’ve personally known for six years are leaving negative reviews of this book, and they didn’t even buy the book. They don’t like the author in person, and it has nothing to do with the book at all.
    I just finished the first chapter, and I will continue to read it. I don’t have anything negative to say about this book so far. It has kept my interest.

    • Thanks, brother. I appreciate it.

      YOU guys are the ones I wrote the book for – READERS. Not some jackass trolls that just want to malign my book (sight unseen) merely because they didn’t like me in the past.

      I hope you continue to like the book, and I encourage you to come back and post a review once you’ve read it all! 🙂

  4. Well, Amazon the corporate whore has DONE IT AGAIN! >_<

    Some bitch I knew from back in the day (probably the harridan ENCOURAGING all the bad reviews) finally dropped all of her cowardly hiding-in-the-shadows to come out and comment against the review I made until Amazon took notice and deleted the whole review thread.

    Justice is dealt another blow by the treacherous and underhanded. These people have no shame, and are viciously self-serving in their vendetta against me and my book (Which, keep in mind, THEY HAVEN'T READ!). Fucking assholes – I swear.

    Don't you just wish the Universe would make their hands fall off and their tongues fall out so that they could NEVER type or say another malevolent, unwarranted thing ever again?!? I know I do! >:P

    • Keeping with the fact that the closed Facebook group in question are the perpetrators behind “Operation False Reviews”, one of their ilk (the aforementioned bitch in question) decided to stop by Show Me and comment at length.

      She is so self-righteous and disingenuous that it makes me physically ill. She says that all she wishes me is happiness, and yet she takes time out of her day to malign a work that she hasn’t fully read, yet somehow feels qualified to judge as wholly bad.

      She says that I mistreat people while she actively supports a group of trolls intent on violating my work, my craft, and my livelihood. How does THAT not qualify as the more vile mistreatment, you hypocritical bitch?!?

      These people are the same kinds of assholes that see previews for a movie and then say THE MOVIE sucked (as if they had seen it in its entirety)… which is fucking ridiculous.

      Read the entire book, or guess what?
      YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO “REVIEW” IT.
      End of story, hypocrites. XP

  5. I think it’s also laughable that some of the “False Reviews” club are trying to stop by Show Me and make inflammatory comment remarks as if I don’t moderate my comments.

    Their comments don’t add to a civil discussion in any way, but are meant merely to incite my anger. Then they try further goading me into posting their drivel by saying things like, “If you don’t post my comment saying that you’re a dumbfuck, then you’re a coward!” Nice try, morons. You forget: I’M SMARTER THAN YOU.

    Keep trying, though. My virtual trash can never fills up and your childish attempts at debate amuse me.

    To all my faithful readers: keep tuning in to this post. I’ll keep you updated. 😉

  6. Pingback: A few teaser chapters of Xeresgate that you WON’T see on Amazon… ;) | Show Me

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