I’m getting REALLY FUCKING TIRED of Christians!

This post isn’t to further distance myself from the subject matter brushed up against in my last post, but if you want to take it that way, more power to you.  This post is in response to a solid fucking week of dealing with the most incompetent, self-righteous, moronic FUCKS known to man… the staff and administration of GCU.

Yeah – that’s right… I said their fucking name… Grand Canyon University.  Come at me, bitches.  If you try to kick me out of your overpriced online “college”, I will sue you so far into the ground, there won’t be a college left – just a FUCKING CRATER!!  Do you understand me, you hypocritical fucks?!?

Look, I know Christians don’t account for the entirety of hypocritical or even annoying assholes out there, but they are by and large the most consistently made up of them.  I have a feeling it has to do with that period of time after their “salvation afterglow” wears off and they realize life is exactly the fucking same as it was before – except now they have an invisible man in space to answer to!  Well, that’s got to suck balls for them, but at least they get to lord over you the fact that because they are “saved”, then you are worse than they are… which is never the case.

At least WE aren’t annoying FUCKS constantly waving our faith in front of your faces – as if believing in some bearded carpenter or some asshole deity from the Bronze Age makes you less of a jack-off!  I mean, yeah, the opposite faith (Evolution) is equally annoying (considering it isn’t science) when lazy Atheist apologists who won’t accept one bearded carpenter’s teachings are A-OK accepting the wholesale teachings of another bearded man who died before the first gasoline-powered American cars were ever built!

After dealing with these imbecilic drones for a whole week (who always take each other’s sides), I could understand how some people would become Atheists out of spite!
“So, you’ve got monkey men, self-defeating logic, and cop-out, millions of years windows… but I don’t have to deal with any more of these pious cunts?  All right, sign me up.”

You guys – my readers – know me by now.  I don’t suffer fools.  And the more stubbornly foolish they are, the more it enrages me.

These assholes at GCU will charge you $2,345.00 (Which, if not for student loans, I’d not be paying.) to take a mandatory INTRODUCTORY COURSE to their fucking college (which is basically two months of bullshit to learn about their software and policies – that I had down in the first DAY).  What kind of rich, suburban housewife has that kind of money to blow on an UNNECESSARY GODDAMN COURSE?!?

They’ll also be sure to tell you – as an online student, mind you – of all the wonderful things they have on the college campus that you’ll never see.  Jackasses.

And it’s not even the only bullshit course you’ll have to take, either!  They also mandate that you take a course on the “Christian world view” for another month and a half (Oh yeah – their courses run one at a fucking time so you can get used to how much fucking time you’ll be wasting!) just so they can make sure that you agree with their asinine Christian bullshit before they actually give you any credits worth a damn!

To top it all off, this shitty course that I’ve been taking since August (I’ll explain WHY later, for those of you screaming that at the screen right now.) is led by an “instructor” that’s a Doctoral candidate (THERE, of course!) in Education, and yet doesn’t know the difference between “their” and “there”…

Blog Pic 1

…and “you’re” and “your”.

Blog Pic 2

And he’s a fucking DOCTORAL CANDIDATE for EDUCATION, in case you missed that part.  Look, Christians, I try to defend the point of view that there might be a Creator up there, and that that makes more logical sense than the lazy faith of Evolution, but when you guys turn out “educators” like THIS dumb fuck, you are REALLY making it difficult for me to plead a case that is similar to yours.  So cut that shit out, asswipes!!

All that aside, this is the piece of shit that’s supposed to be the Emperor’s instructor.  You can see I would have problems dealing with such an obvious moron.

This asshole has the gall to grade this classroom half-full of losers as if they need to be following some college English class level format for assignments.  (Yeah… I’ll get on that right after you do, dipshit.)  Then, he has nearly an entire goddamn class have to do a resubmit on some bullshit-“Find the stuff on our GCU website!  Tee hee!”-worksheet because he wanted it submitted in a format that wasn’t listed in the instructions (or anywhere else, for that matter)!

That alone had me pissed, because I don’t like people that assume they can waste either my time or my moneyboth of which are in short supply.  And he was indeed wasting them BOTH.

THEN, he takes off points for me pointing out a redundant question (instead of mindlessly copying it from a previous answer – again, because it irks me to have to waste my own time) on the worksheet (along with where it had already been answered, by the way), and then again for me following the exact instructions of another worksheet question that asks you to FIND something (Which, incidentally, we’d already found DAYS BEFOREHAND on a separate assignment – talk about your short-term memory loss!) instead of LIST it (like this idiot wanted).  I wrote that I had found it.  Simple.  That question was correct.

So once I point out these glaring logical lapses to this charlatan, does he say (like he should have): “Oh, I’m sorry.  Yeah, you’re right – the first question is redundant and the last one is poorly worded!  I’ll submit that worksheet to the appropriate department for revision!  Here are your points back – sorry to have wasted your time.”?  NO, of course not!  If there’s anything Christians SUCK ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE at, it’s admitting when they are obviously WRONG.

His response was basically, “Nope.  You were wrong.  Resubmit it.”

NOW, I was incensed…  infuriated…  LIVID.  The one thing worse than a stupid idiot asshole is a dismissive stupid idiot asshole.

And to put the cherry on this shit sundae, I went – merely for a supportive “Yeah, dude – that’s pretty fucked up.” – to the one guy from the college that had been halfway-decent with me… a retired Air Force guy (really should have been my first *ASSHOLE ALARM!* clue) who (before my phone minutes ran out) I’d spent an inordinate amount of my time talking to and establishing a rapport with.  He seemed to be cool with cussing, anti-censorship and all that, but it was just a facade.  More fucking bullshit hypocrisy.

I forgot that the Christian “one-rule” with each other is pretty damn similar to the Beta guy’s “one-rule” with the woman (whose ass he’s currently kissing) – “Stick by them unfailingly… even when they’re obviously wrong.”

He tried the “calm down” tactics when I still felt comfortable enough to be honest and forthright with him, and then when I backed him into a corner of where he’d have to agree with either me or the MORON instructor?  You guessed it… he picked the latter.

And I did what any other self-respecting genius would do when confronted by an immovable mass of stupidity… I said, “Seriously?  Fuck you!” to the fucking traitor.  To which, he predictably replied (like any corporate drone) by sending me a copy of the policy book which says we’re not to cuss (as if he hadn’t earned it!)… basically threatening me with expulsion from this asshole college of GCU if I didn’t play nicely.

And here’s the part you’ve been waiting for… WHY I have heretofore put up with all of this shit.  The choice was just bad luck, as it turns out.  They were only one of two online colleges that offered a major in “English Literature” (vice just “English”), and they worked out to actually be cheaper per credit.  (I know – college is ridiculously expensive these days!)  If I had a time machine that only went back a month, I’d obviously pick the OTHER one, as no amount of savings is worth putting up with THIS shit!

It seemed like fortuitous timing, as I’d be able to get into college quickly and have some much-needed money for rent when my federal loans overage check came in time for October’s rent!  All I had to do was make a last-second deal with my landlord, and then hope that the few dollars I had would be enough to feed me until then.

Perhaps you can see why I am currently a bit cranky.  Penury does not sit well with me.

So, to sum this whole thing up: FUCK CHRISTIANS and (whatever you do) DON’T ATTEND GRAND CANYON UNIVERSITY!!  It’s full of corporate Christian assholes… which are the worst kind.

And you know what?  I’d welcome them kicking me out at this point!  Because guess what?  If they do, I WILL sue their fucking hypocritical, holier-than-thou asses into the fucking Bronze Age!!

But hey, GCU, look on the bright side… at least then your faith would make sense.

(Try me, bitches – I already know I’m smarter than you, and if you kicked me out, I’d have nothing on my hands but time and a shit-ton of virulent, revenge-based motivation!)  >:)

About Emperor Lu Bu

The Emperor of Xeresgate - if you wish to know more, read my words.
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18 Responses to I’m getting REALLY FUCKING TIRED of Christians!

  1. rougedmount says:

    you should send a letter hard copy to their corporate offices showcasing what you have pointed out and you should ask for the items to be addressed and corrected and a fee reduction for your inconvenience.

    • I’ve already had enough migraines dealing with just the Asshole and the Traitor (I failed to mention, for space’s sake, the two men’s cunty partner – the Silent Bitch that’s supposed to be my “advisor” yet goes entire weeks without responding to my emails.). Plus, you’re clearly not getting the imperviousness of these dipshits to logical pleas. That would just be another headache that I don’t need.

      I’m letting the chips fall where they may on this one. If they don’t push me, fine. I’ll take their stupid courses and leave with their stupid Bachelor’s Degree.

      BUT IF THEY PUSH ME… they will see the full, focused, FURY of my wrath released upon them! >:|

  2. Oh god man, you are going back to school? School was one of the biggest wastes of time I engaged in. Btw how much have you made with your donations?

    • I’m going to college for the same reason as always – work is scarce and I need the overflow loan money for rent. If I come out of it all with a degree, whatever.

      I think it’s a flaw in the system that I get judged according to whether or not I have a piece of paper that A) has to be issued by people I’m already smarter than, and B) could be just as easily forged and/or lied about to get the exact same results.

      And donations? Feh. The only person that’s given since the first $2 lady was some wise-ass from the UK that gave 37 cents. Needless to say, I won’t be making the rent THAT way. >_<

      • zhai2nan2 says:

        >I’m going to college for the same reason as always – work is scarce and I need the overflow loan money for rent. If I come out of it all with a degree, whatever.

        Why in the heck aren’t you going to a trade school, so you can learn something useful, like welding?

      • Because I don’t want to be a welder… simple as that.

        The closest thing to that that I’d like to do would involve medieval smithing – and that’s a whole new set of investments.

  3. psusa says:

    They declared war on you. So, nuke ’em, figuratively speaking (fuck you, NSA). Let them know you are not to be trifled with.
    Scam the scammers. Put the energy you waste on rants into something more worthwhile, like their destruction.
    Or, continue to put up with their shit.

  4. AAB says:

    “They also mandate that you take a course on the “Christian world view” for another month and a half.”

    You could always do what the Marrano Jews did and just say “yes sir; no sir; three bags full sir”, while taking their money and not believing a word of their religion.

    • The latter, of course, being my intent. 😉

      Praytell, though – what do the Marrano Jews have to do with the old nursery rhyme about a black sheep? I don’t see the connection.

      • AAB says:

        Nothing that I know of! I just used it as a figure of speech for someone who’s super compliant.

      • Yes, but like what I’ve read of the Marrano Jews, I am also merely being compliant on the surface. As long as it serves my purpose, I will appear to be compliant.

        And like I’ve said before – if they fuck with me, it will not end well for them.

  5. mmkkww says:

    I’m a fucking christian. Why do you hate me? What the fuck did I do to you, asswipe? Some day you’ll have to face judgement. On that day he’ll tear you a new ass hole out of which he’ll rip your still quivering entrails out, you sinful cock-sucker you. After that you’ll get thrown into hell where 10 foot demons will ass-fuck you with splintery baseball bats for all eternity. How funny will you be then, you faithless prick? But remember this…..He loves you!

    • This is so dripping with irony that I know better than to take it seriously. Also, Christians suck at cussing/cursing/general-YouTube-comment-talk, so that was strike two.

      I basically have the same problem with hell as with Yahweh (which I believe I’ve discussed elsewhere) –> Sinners of EVERY severity (from the rich assholes that run the world and are responsible for millions more deaths than Hitler… all the way down to some kid that lies so his Mom won’t think her ass looks too big in her jeans) are thrown into THE SAME JUDGEMENT (burning with bodies that never burn away – which has got to be a tiny bit worse than waterboarding) and for ETERNITY.

      Yeah. Sounds like the invention of a LOVING and JUST God, all right. Get bent, religious assholes.

  6. mmkkww says:

    What the heck do you mean, “christians suck at cussing”. Make no mistake my dear fellow, there is nary a man extant who is able to exceed my abilities in the fine art of vulgarity, you silly goose you. The creator of all shall surely cast such false accusers into perdition with all the rest of the rascals who look at girls and do things with their naughty parts. As for the lad who lies to mom so she would not have feelings of low esteem due to the proportional excess of her gleutial region, he has lied and sin must be judged. Far worse it is to spare feelings resulting in condemnation that to tell mom that she has a posterior the size of a Greyhound bus. My own beloved once inquired of me if a particular dress made her gleuteus maximus appear to large, to which I replied, “heaven forbid, my sweet. It is your big fat cottage cheese ass that makes yor ass look fat, you hippopotamus looking trailer park sweathog. Why don’t you get of the couch and eat fucking carrot you smelly old slampig”. Now I get to go to heaven where people with fat asses are not allowed in.

  7. mmkkww says:

    I’m having a fucking blast so far! Actually, I found this site while mindlessly googling any weird shit that came into my superior but sick brain while being stuck at home waiting on UPS for a delivery that had to be signed for when they get around to it. Truth is, I am a christian who can’t stand those who CLAIM to be christians, who wouldn’t dare say “fuck” or “shit” but if you were burning to death, wouldn’t piss on you to put the fire out. Ever notice the one’s that harp on and on about sex abstinence are the one’s nobody would wanna fuck anyway. Jesus rules. Problem is he rules mostly ass-holes!

    • I tend to think Yahweh (AKA – God the Father) rules the assholes.
      A few examples…
      Jesus: “…Love your enemies…” (Matthew 5:44) vs Yahweh: “…angry with the wicked every day.” (Psalm 7:11)
      Jesus: Never ONCE spoke out against homosexuality. (All the Gospels) vs Yahweh: Burned two whole cities alive that had homosexuals in them. (Genesis 18, 19)
      Jesus: Forgave a repentant adulteress. (John 8:3-11) vs Yahweh: Ordered that they be stoned to death. (Leviticus 20:10)

      The whole “I am THE way” business that Jesus gets into seems myopic, but the penalty for denying the “truth” of it (as I’ve already mentioned) is just the repayment schedule of an insane torture-porn lover. I sincerely believe that there are many actual Truths hidden within the pages of the Bible (just like most any other religious book), but the amount of asinine shit that must first be sorted through to arrive at them is hardly ever worth it for your average knuckle-dragger.

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