Oh, dear gawd… I can’t believe I’m doing this. >_<

Okay, so… apparently, I’m just bored enough to try this.  (Don’t judge me; I’m waiting on a pizza.  Hunger does weird things to the Emperor… like making him speak in the third person.)

A very nice lady who has recently begun following my blog (Amanda Wood) tagged me in one of those silly Facebook-esque blogging games.  So, I’ve decided to play along.  The fact that you’re reading this blog post right now more than likely means that I’ve done the same to you, so suck it!  I kid, of course… suck at your leisure.

It’s supposed to be a way to get to know your fellow blog-heads a little better, so what the hey… I’m giving it a shot, and if you’re also one of the cool kids, you’ll try it as well.  You know, if I tagged you.  Or hell… maybe even if I didn’t – if you have cool answers.

Image^ The most visceral, animalistic parts of who I am are very much like Lu Bu, the 3rd century Chinese God of War.  He is my darkest, most uninhibited side – charming and capable of inspiring awe… or abject terror upon approaching.

***

THE WAY TO PLAY

1.  Copy this list thing.
2.  Post a photo of you or something representing you most closely (I’ve done the latter, obviously.)
3.  List 11 random facts about yourself.  Don’t ask me why it’s 11 – I don’t know.
4.  Answer the questions asked by the person who tagged you.  (In this case, that would be me.)
5.  Make 11 new questions of your own and ask them to however many people you want.
6.  Go to their blog (or whatever) and let them know they’ve been tagged.

***

Okay… Facts about me you may not know yet…

1.  My spit prevents cancer.  Jesus’ spit supposedly made blind people see; mine keeps cancer at bay.  I can prove it, too – no woman I’ve ever kissed has gotten cancer.
2.  I hate weak villains.  Whenever an over-powered villain monologues or slips into a deadly crevasse because he was looking at some heroine’s cleavage… it makes me die a little inside.  I want my lead villain to be headstrong, cocksure, and three moves ahead of the ever-frustrated hero.
3.  I am addicted to pizza… and find that the perfect compliment to one is an equal-parts “suicide” made of Hawaiian Punch and Welch’s Grape Soda.
4.  I am rarely sick, yet use illness as an often excuse to get out of things I’d rather not attend.  Orange juice is a panacea for so many bodily ills, it might as well be marketed as a magic potion.  I love it… especially the pulp-free Simply Orange brand.  (The gallon containers are pretty damn cool, too.)
5.  I can sew my own clothes – and honestly, I’d rather have the stuff I’ve made.  It lasts longer, fits better, and looks nicer than anything off the rack for a “big and tall” male.
6.  I love the music of Bon Jovi.  I grew up in the 80s, and I’ve never heard a song of his that I didn’t like.  Period.
7.  I’d rather get high than drunk.  Drinking is hard to keep track of, and you can’t always predict the outcome – unless you always drink the same thing.  It turns out Karl Marx was wrong – apparently opiates are the opiate of the masses.
8.  I prefer to be alone.  And there’s nothing worse than the condescension of people who don’t see coupling as a crutch for people too weak to be by themselves.  If you’re afraid to grow old and die alone, then by all means get someone to share in your misery.  Just spare me your derisive “pity” because I don’t need someone else.
9.  I speak bits of ten different languages, and don’t spend nearly enough time practicing them as I ought to.  I particularly like the more difficult ones to speak – Russian and Mandarin.
10.  I’ve never been able to comprehend why average Americans can’t understand Shakespeare.  Is it because they’ve never seen it acted well enough, or are they just imbeciles?  It’s modern fucking English, for crying out loud!
11.  I’ve always thought that being a “good” Dad was for quitters.  I’m the awesome Dad – the one who teaches his kids to swordfight and count in other languages and “crack wise”.  I want to be the kind of Dad that my kids want to have a drink with down the line, talk about guys or chicks with, and never be afraid to come to for help.  It helps that I’m right 99% of the time.

***

Questions from “Journey of Mixed Emotions”

1.  What is your favorite vegetable?
I don’t know why “asparagus” popped into my head just now, but I’m pretty sure it’s corn – you know, off the cob without all those annoying silks that get stuck in your teeth.

2.  Do you have any brothers or sisters?  If yes, are you the youngest, oldest, or middle child?  Only child?
Technically, I have a younger brother, but I have disowned him for severe disloyalty.  And no, that’s not a joke.  I feel betrayal deeply, and do not allow disloyal people in my life.  It’s like they say: friends are the family you choose.

3.  If you could donate one of your senses (sight, hearing, touch, taste, or smell) to help another person which one would it be and why?
I’d donate hearing.  I’m a very sexually tactile person, and as visually stimulated as every other man I’ve ever known.  Taste is pretty much nothing without smell, and I think I could do with a bit more quiet in my life.

4.  Do you prefer to play checkers or chess?
Neither, actually.  They’re games people play when there’s absolutely nothing else to play.  That said, I’d prefer checkers.

5.  What writer (or artist) has influenced you as a person?
Without a doubt, it’s Shakespeare.  The Bard taught me clever turns of phrase, gave me the gift of examining lines even while I was first reading them, and set a standard of excellence that I could spend my entire lifetime emulating without wasting a second of said life.

6.  What is your favorite mode of travel?
Time travel.  But when I’m stuck in the present, I prefer getting from place in place in any of the ’94-’99 model Chevrolet Camaros.

7.  What one thing could you do today to make the world a better place?
Tip my pizza delivery guy well… which of course, I always do.  Getting food delivered is a luxury, people!  If you can’t afford to pony up a decent tip, then hop your cheap ass in your car and go get it yourself, then!

8.  What is your favorite web app (this week)?
I’m not really an “app” guy.  (That sounds like the dark side of computers anyway – Apple.  And I’m PC, tried and true.)  So… um, does Minecraft count?

9.  Which season do you like the most?
I hate sweating, so I love winter.  Winter is snowball fights, warming yourself in front of the woodstove or fireplace, and bundling up in afghans and blankets to get (as my Dad used to call it – ) “all warmy-barmy”.  That, and you get all the great tastes and smells of the holidays.  What’s not to like?

10.  What do you enjoy the most about blogging?
This might sound silly, but I just like seeing my words in print.  That, and it’s always cool to hear your Mom tell you how talented you are when she reads something, even if you have the nagging suspicion that she might be a tad biased.

11.  Are you spicy or sweet?
If I were a barbecue, I certainly hope my cannibal feast-eaters would at least have the decency to glaze me in a nice honey BBQ glaze (I prefer Sweet Baby Ray’s, personally – that stuff is great!).  Don’t over-cook me, though.  I’m well-marbled, so you’ll want to keep those sweet juices in for a nice, tender leg of Bu.

***

And here are your 11 Questions From Me (If I tag you below, these are the ones I want to see your answers to.)

1.  Out of the seven elemental super powers (Air, Water, Fire, Earth, Metal, Wood [Nature], and Lightning), which do you think is the best, and why?

2.  If you could snap your fingers and any one famous person would drop dead of a heart attack, which one would you want it to be?

3.  If you could have complete mastery of one type of medieval hand weaponry, what would it be?  (Sword-and-shield / two-handed sword / spear / flail / axes / daggers / mace / longbow / crossbow / other?)

4.  If you could press a button and 100 people in the world would instantly die, but you would be paid One Billion Dollars, would you press it?  Why or why not?

5.  If you could live forever, do you really think you’d want to?  Why or why not?

6.  Who is your favorite comedian/comedienne?  Why?

7.  What do you think is the best movie of all time?

8.  What is your favorite work or play of Shakespeare?

9.  Would you prefer a fortune in gold, diamonds, or land?

10.  Did you like Crystal Pepsi in the 90s, or were you too young or too stupid to have tasted that awesomeness?

11.  If you could write your own Bible, what would be the very first commandment?

***

All right – I’m getting tired (and this whole thing still probably needs to be edited), but here are the bloggers I choose to answer these questions.  If they are the cool kids I think they are, then they will either answer in the comments or post on their own blogs.  And here are the links to those…

*  Opinionated Man
*  Caliwow
*  DarlingDoll
*  MimsyFromTheTumTumTree
*  Lindaghill
*  Tycorcdragracer

As usual – have fun, kiddies!  😉

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About Emperor Lu Bu

The Emperor of Xeresgate - if you wish to know more, read my words.
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12 Responses to Oh, dear gawd… I can’t believe I’m doing this. >_<

  1. Oh Lord, I got lazy just looking at the amount of work that you just did. I cannot believe you took the time to do one… I am shocked.

    • Technically, even though I’ve now properly edited it, I’m gonna have to save the Tags for it (and the People Tags, too!) until tomorrow, because I’m sleepy as all get-out right now.

      At least you already know you’re “tagged”. X)

  2. Amanda Wood says:

    Lord..I mean Emperor Lu Bu, thank you for playing. I loved your answers and your questions. I hope that it was a little bit fun to create the questions, that was my favorite part. I am going to do the same thing my tagger did, to honour the work you put into this thang and answer your questions.

    1. Out of the seven elemental super powers (Air, Water, Fire, Earth, Metal, Wood [Nature], and Lightning), which do you think is the best, and why?
    Well, gosh, I just have to choose Wood, since that is my last name. And all the other superpowers exist in nature, so ultimately I am in complete control.

    2. If you could snap your fingers and any one famous person would drop dead of a heart attack, which one would you want it to be?
    The head of the Westboro Baptist Church, Fred Phelps. And I hope that the lightning would then take the next in line (since I control the lightning) and the whole freaky place goes up in flames.

    3. If you could have complete mastery of one type of medieval hand weaponry, what would it be? (Sword-and-shield / two-handed sword / spear / flail / axes / daggers / mace / longbow / crossbow / other?)
    A katana.

    4. If you could press a button and 100 people in the world would instantly die, but you would be paid One Billion Dollars, would you press it? Why or why not?
    Mmmm. Tough one. Assuming I don’t know or find out who those 100 people are, I would push it and then use the money to help a lot of other people, and animals.

    5. If you could live forever, do you really think you’d want to? Why or why not?
    If I had that billion bucks, then sure, I could live forever as long as I get to choose my age. No money, no age choice, then nope.

    6. Who is your favorite comedian/comedienne? Why?
    At the moment it is Russell Peters, but that is because he is coming to Sweden soon and he is Canadian!

    7. What do you think is the best movie of all time?
    I love too many movies for there to be a best of all time, but up near the top there is Se7en…no..Kill Bill…no..Dead Poets Society..no..Gladiator…oh dear, and what about Amelie? Nope. Can’t decide this one.

    8. What is your favorite work or play of Shakespeare?
    A Midsummer Night’s Dream

    9. Would you prefer a fortune in gold, diamonds, or land?
    Land. With wood.

    10. Did you like Crystal Pepsi in the 90s, or were you too young or too stupid to have tasted that awesomeness?
    I don’t drink fizzy drinks (my factoid was, I cannot burp). So suck that!

    11. If you could write your own Bible, what would be the very first commandment?
    Thou shall not preach religion.

    • Pretty good answers, Amanda. 😉

      I think I should clear up something, though – the power over nature is really just all forms of plant life. Basically, things that grow in the earth. That power doesn’t extend to any of the others (as in… I don’t know… “Mother Nature” or something).

      You’d have to leave the lightning to the Electromancers. ^_^

  3. This is the secret “easter egg” to unlock for those readers of mine that are truly awesome: If all six of the people tagged take part in this, then I will answer my own questions!

    Granted, I may answer them at some point in the future anyway, but Americans would always rather have things now.

  4. mimsyfromthetumtumtree says:

    I thought exactly what opinionated man said lol But I am gonna do this it just may take me a little bit.

  5. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED: commence wrong answers.

    1. Out of the seven elemental super powers (Air, Water, Fire, Earth, Metal, Wood [Nature], and Lightning), which do you think is the best, and why?
    If you take the fluctuated circumstances of the world you will find that 3 out of 4 dentists prefer to be circumcised. If you want h vampire diaries you will notice that the latitude and longitude of the walking dead and toy story is actually the same. This being said if you do simple deduction of 2+2 it equals fish where as more people are killed in car accidents all year than fire. Course they call it fire power. And the earth is made up of all the elements combined. I would still have to choose lightning. Because all super Heroes hair looks like their super power. Mine will look like lightning.

    2. If you could snap your fingers and any one famous person would drop dead of a heart attack, which one would you want it to be?
    The Olsen twins cause there are two. Ok ok pierce Morgan or Jim Carey.

    3. If you could have complete mastery of one type of medieval hand weaponry, what would it be? (Sword-and-shield / two-handed sword / spear / flail / axes / daggers / mace / longbow / crossbow / other?)
    Crossbow cause Daryl Dixon is my hero.

    4. If you could press a button and 100 people in the world would instantly die, but you would be paid One Billion Dollars, would you press it? Why or why not?
    Orange

    5. If you could live forever, do you really think you’d want to? Why or why not?
    Sure I only have to put up with each asshole for a little while.

    6. Who is your favorite comedian/comedienne? Why?
    I like your mom she always makes me giggle 😉

    7. What do you think is the best movie of all time?
    Twilight saga oh yeah

    8. What is your favorite work or play of Shakespeare?
    The tell-tale heart 😉

    9. Would you prefer a fortune in gold, diamonds, or land?
    Land – Africa released the gold and diamonds it would go to shut besides there is only so much land.

    10. Did you like Crystal Pepsi in the 90s, or were you too young or too stupid to have tasted that awesomeness?
    When one has too much of a good thing it becomes bad.

    11. If you could write your own Bible, what would be the very first commandment?
    Doth thou see what I did there?

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