Before I begin, let me just say that I realize that writing an article about the feminine ideal (whilst being a man) is about as silly as a woman writing an article about how to please a man. But that doesn’t stop those harpies over at Cosmo, so it won’t stop me either.
In my former Pensive post, Gender Traitors, I mentioned in passing both that women had things that they were better at than men (albeit, far fewer than the reverse), and also that today’s women are not currently using their femininity to its fullest potential. This is the article I promised my faithful lady readers. I call you ladies, for the average American woman (read: bitch) would have stopped reading by now. If you remain, you are that fortuitous and hardy bunch that I refer to as ladies. Be forewarned though, ladies, you may indeed still possess the capacity to be offended by some things found in this article. If your reflection in the mirror offends you, work out and eat better. Likewise, if the truth spoken by a person (that happens to be a man) offends you, then you must change yourself… or ignore it. The latter, of course, only leads to ignorance – so choose wisely.
Western females of today (keeping in mind that there are still some South American, Eastern European, and Asian females that do not subscribe to this attitude) have long since adopted what I refer to as a “Princess Complex” – that, the world is owed to them for nothing in return except their presence (and not even that if they don’t feel like it).
After a certain age, that PC dies down somewhat (though never fully dying), but is replaced with the horrendous habit of demanding equality with a man. It is not horrendous for the fact that equality is desired, but rather that it is never expected to be earned. A woman wants to be paid for working like a man – while still working like a woman. Men work harder, ladies. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll agree. For example, I can’t think of any female construction workers, bricklayers, or roofers. You know why? Those jobs are hard – as well as requiring a decent amount of skill. Women don’t want to do hard jobs – they just want to be paid the same as those that do.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too, ladies. This applies to the dating world as well – you can’t expect to tease a man with the prospect of sex (Which, let’s be honest, is what dating is.) and have him spend as much of his hard-earned money on you as he would’ve spent just simply hiring a “professional”… and then you not expect to “pay out”. Don’t get me wrongly here, either! I in no way endorse rape or anything even approaching it! However, I do find fault with a bitch (rightly called) who only goes out with a man because she’s hungry or wants to see a movie – never intending to recompense him for his time and expense in the slightest. That’s fraudulent, ladies – and you know it! If you aren’t at least willing to kiss a man at the end of any date, then you should be willing to pay for your half of it! You’re not a princess. You’re not special. He’s not paying for your company; that’s what escorts are for – and guess what? At least they’re good at what they do.
Also, I’m not suggesting women sleep with everyone. That’s a quick way to get a reputation that you don’t want. All I’m endorsing here is honesty. If you’re not sure how you feel about a guy, “go dutch” (go out as friends)! If you’re paying your way when you go out with a guy, he should have zero expectations. When you’re ready for him to foot the bill, you should at least be ready to make out with him. Fair is fair.
And if you want real equality, ladies, don’t expect men to open doors for you or give up their seat for you on the bus or subway. If we’re all equal, you can stand just as well as a man!
I make that final drastic point in order to segue into how it should be in America, and how it could be again…
Ladies – I know this is tough, but – admit your weakness. In order to be treated as a lady, one must be weaker than a man. If you feign equality, don’t be surprised when all the special frills that go along with being a lady disappear. Me personally? I fight for the rights of true ladies. This includes preferential treatments such as: gentlemen rise from their seats when you enter a room, gentlemen will open doors for you and allow you to pass through first, gentlemen will make sure you are seated properly before sitting with you to eat or talk, gentlemen offer their seats to you on crowded public transportation, gentlemen will help you out with pretty much anything that has to do with physical exertion, your personal defense, or personal protection, and you are given priority seating in lifeboats in the case of a shipwreck. Yeah, I know the last one’s a little dated, but shipwrecks could technically still happen.
Men are typically a charitable bunch. If we see someone in need of assistance, we are generally quick to help out. It’s in our nature. Ladies, you shoot yourselves in the collective foot to pretend that you don’t need (or worse, don’t desire) assistance. The average lady is a delicate flower – as beautiful as she is fragile – and you will find your average gentleman to be an apt and willing gardener, who tends to your needs without hesitation. If you are a lady, that is.
These are common traits you will find in a lady:
* She is quiet in public – but never to be stubborn – merely because she has the decorum to be reserved.
* If she has a man, she supports him unquestionably in public and private – both when he is present and when he is not.
* If she disagrees with her man, she asks about it in private, and never in a disagreeable manner.
* She is both chaste and chased, admired and desired, but is selective in who she gives her time to.
* She never speaks or interrupts when a man is speaking. She waits cheerfully for her turn, and her word is therefore all the more anticipated.
* She is delicate in word and action, thus promoting both the recognizing of her status as a lady and her treatment as such.
* She keeps her household – not as a chore, but as an honor – for she alone can turn a house into a home.
* She is attentive to both the care of and the instruction of her children, and would see daycare as an insult.
* She doesn’t work, unless she is single – and therefore without the care of a proper gentleman.
If all the women in America were ladies (vice the majority, who are bitches), then I would have absolutely no problem with the divorce courts proceeding the way they do. If a woman were helpless in the job market without the support of a man, then there would be a precedent (as there once was) for taking half of a divorced man’s money. However, when the job market is freely open to both men and women, then divorce proceedings consisting of any more than “Okay, we’re done… who’s the best of us to look after the kids?” are based on nothing more than pure avarice and unbridled greed.
There’s more to this, I know – and perhaps I can expound on it at a later time, but I really do need to work on my book today.
🙂 Been stabbed yet? Do you also post and get comments on Facebook? I am guessing that most of your comments and audience are on other sites.
Actually, I used to post quite a bit on FB back in the day (before I quit it as a New Year’s resolution this year). The ladies whose friendship I had and their adoption tried, I grappled them to my soul with hoops of steel.
Sorry… I love Hamlet. ^_^
But yeah – it’s difficult to find women with the ability for even honest introspection anymore, let alone ones that can take criticism, be it joking or otherwise.
By the way, the amount of traffic your mention shot over to my page is a new record. Thanks. 🙂
Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
Women you liked my articles? You might want to skim through this one… it was interesting to say the least. 🙂
I figured you wouldn’t mind ifi reblogged this.
You are correct, sir! ;D
Some of it I agree. Some of it is really eew.
It would make me uncomfortable if he stood whenever i entered the room. Being quiet in public? So chatty girls are by default not ladies. Disagree.
I know the princess complex and often im more disturbed by how many guys like/entertain this.
Women also do hard jobs. Farmers, if u want to go down to just hard in the physical sense.
And in a woman’s mind, dating is not always just leading to sex. When she’s got butterflies, its the company, the conversation and feeling like a real connection in personality that is exciting. She doesnt necessarily think of sex so she doesnt feel she is denying u something she must give u. Plus, if she does in fact think of sex and is leading to that, she is dealing with one of the hardest things for a woman which is satisfying this little “chaste” ideal u so painted here in perfect balance with giving u just enough sexytime without ruining it.
Other than the “eww” comment, that’s pretty much what my Mom said (Yes, she reads my blog.).
As far as being quiet in public, don’t mistake that for utter silence. Quietness is about softness of speech. Everything that is alluring about a woman begins with the delicate things – even in voice. Have you ever noticed how when you lower your voice during conversation, most listeners will unconsciously lean in to get what you’re saying? The lady demands more attention in this way. (Also, there’s nothing more nauseating than a loud, obnoxious bitch – and note the difference in nomenclature. Ladies are never loud.)
I as well am disturbed by men who fall for the PC. (Thus, why I addressed it.)
And mentioning the exception-woman that does a “hard job” is really grasping at straws in that category, I have to say. In this case, the exception most definitely proves the rule.
Also, as far as a woman’s mind goes for dating, that may very well be. I am not a woman, so I cannot purport to imagine truly what goes through your heads. However, as men in general view dating, it is an interview for sex. I just think that women should do more due diligence (i.e. – “dutch dating”) before they commit to allowing a man to spend money on them. We had to work for our money, too – and to say that a woman’s time is more precious than a man’s is the height of misguided misandry.
Rule of thumb: if you’re not thinking of a man that way, a lady will never allow him to pay.
“If you aren’t at least willing to kiss a man at the end of any date, then you should be willing to pay for your half of it! You’re not a princess. You’re not special. He’s not paying for your company; that’s what escorts are for – and guess what? At least they’re good at what they do.”
As a woman, I do not take offence to this. I find it a very valid point… I honestly like to pay for my half of the date, if I know that it will not be going anywhere. Just out of courtesy to the man who wanted to take me out. I feel it’s only fair, since I know that it would just be leading him on otherwise. I also feel that your criteria to figure out whether a woman is a true lady or a bitch is spot on. Honestly there are too few true ladies out there in America, and there is an abundance of promiscuous, greedy, manipulative bitches out there.
I loved your article, as I do most, and your brutal honesty of opinion is refreshing.
It’s when one discovers a lady among the crumbling rubble of our former society that one is truly refreshed.
Thanks for refreshing me. 🙂
You’re very welcome 😀
Reblogged this on emotionless brain.
Reblogged this on The Blurred Line
I agree with you on one point. This whole feminist concept that women can do anything a man can, has made men lazy. Why should they give a woman special treatment when she is asking for equal treatment.
Although I didn’t make the point, I certainly agree. In those few professions with “forward thinking” managers and business owners who pay their genders exactly the same, it has not (unfortunately) inspired women to work as hard as men, but the reverse.
Thus, those businesses end up paying people, across the board, to do less work for more money. I plead with real men everywhere not to give in to the temptation of laziness, and actually work like a man. If you’re in an “equal gender pay” business, LEAVE. Worst case scenario, as a man, you will succumb to performing at a decreased level – and this is shameful! Best case scenario, you’ll be doing the same fine job you were before, and some woman (or lazy man) will be being paid exactly the same for it.
As a woman, or should I say as a lady, I did not find one thing in your article that I disagreed with. An unpopular opinion among women, but I have always believed that men and women bring different things to the table and you cannot expect a man to treat you like a lady if you carry yourself like a man. I believe human beings are equal in nearly all respects, of course. However, women are the weaker sex and that is not a bad thing. It is merely truth, truth that I embrace. I thoroughly enjoyed your article!
I’m glad to know that you have found the inherent strength in being a lady.
Don’t lose heart, either – gentlemen still exist as well, and they are just as difficult to find as the ladies, I assure you. On that ground, at least, the genders have total equality.
I know I found one…can’t believe my good fortune! 🙂
Can a lady be a lady in pants, is really what you’re saying….
If that’s what a lady is then I don’t care to be one, and I don’t care to be with someone who expects me to be that. Maybe my crazy German mother did something right when she told me to get an education, because the list above is my mother…. and it’s not me.
I don’t know where I stand but I do know, I don’t want to be a lady. I want to be a woman. That’s good enough for me.
I didn’t really mention pants, but I will say this: nothing catches my eye quicker these days than a woman in a dress. Keep in mind, I didn’t say “pencil skirt” or “miniskirt”… I’m talking about more like what one would imagine if I said “sun dress”.
I don’t even think the thought that the woman might possibly be a lady is the first thing that crosses my mind. Truly, it’s the uniqueness of it. It’s just not seen anymore.
Also, there’s nothing so beautiful as a woman in a dress. Why do you think there’s no industry for bride’s PANTS? It’s because people – whether they want to admit it or not – recognize the beauty of a woman in a dress.
As for your desire to be simply a woman, I know there are plenty of women who share your opinion. It’s a free country; you’re welcome to do what you please. I fought in the military for your right to do so. However, do know that you are taking the lazy way out. It takes work and dedication to be a lady, and I’m sure your mother (as you recognize her as a lady) demurely commands the utmost of respect without saying a word.
Not every woman can be a lady. Some just lack the conviction. But make no mistake: the title of lady is definitely the prize to be won, not merely to exist as a woman.
One of the most remarkable physical compliments I received was by a young gentleman who was passing by as I was leaving the store. I was wearing a sundresses, and he stated that it was nice to see a woman looking like a lady, and how uncommon that was.
Mind you, I confess, I don’t clean the toilets in a dress and pearls, but I do make sure I am almost always presentable to my husband by the standards he finds attractive. When I get up in the morning to make his coffee and prepare his lunch, I also fix myself up. I wear my hair down because he loves my hair and finds it feminine.
I don’t do these things because he demands or even asks for them. I do them because I like to feel soft and lovely, and it lets my husband know I am happy to do the things he may like. In return, he cherishes me for the lady I am.
I find that the last sentence is most often the case with truly loving wives. They are indeed treasures in this day and age.
Also, you’ve hit upon another good point – women with long hair are GORGEOUS (I don’t care how old, either.)! It’s a common propaganda that old women don’t look ravishing with long hair, and I truly hate that lie. It robs us of an entire generation of snowy-haired grandmas adorned in true glory.
For the record, I’m also quite partial to tall women. ^_^
I’m 5’9, and always found it very interesting that back in my dating days, men always mistook a petite stature for femininity. My husband loves my height, even when I’m in heels and I’m quite taller than him. That, among many others, is an attribute of a gentleman. Yes, my husband still opens the doors for me, carries the groceries in, kills spiders, mows the lawn, shovels, and puts his hand in the small of my back when we are walking. He always drives when we are together. He would always defend my honor, but that’s in part because I do my part to be honorable to my husband!
Nice article, but what I don’t understand is… since when did there become rules, rituals, and regulations in our expectations from anybody were interact with socially? Just be yourself. Like-minded people attract like-minded people anyways, so its either the person likes you or they don’t. No exceptions; no compromising; and most definitely NO SETTLING, either. It is when we make illogical exceptions, start compromising our standards, and settle for whomever comes our way is when we feel disappointed. We have no excuse to blame anyone else but ourselves.
The description of a lady here is obviously that of a Virtuous Woman. In order to attract the attention of a Virtuous Woman, you must first be willing to make yourself into a Virtuous Man…
Just my opinion…
I agree that like-minded people attract one another. That’s the nature of the beast (and why beastly people end up breeding so damned often).
As for the “rules”, these are things that used to be understood inherently in the nature of ladies and gentlemen. As our society drifts further and further away from common decency, what constitutes a lady or a gentleman is further obfuscated, if not misappropriated altogether.
I’m by no means putting a Biblical bent on this (as I am an Agnostic), but I know the Proverbial passage to which you are alluding.
I’ve said it in a previous comment, but the lamentation bears repeating – there is an equal shortage of both ladies AND gentlemen. That said, a true lady or gentlemen should (I agree.) never settle for less than their genteel equal.
People who marry above their “station” must drive you nuts. 😉
No, but seriously…agnostic or not, all that you’ve listed here sounds VERY conservative-Christian based. Almost verbatim.
It’s purely circumstantial, trust me. The Biblical version of women and relationships (You know… the ones not pertaining to slavery!) happen to be pretty decent.
But like I’ve said before, I disagree with a lot of the other things it has to say, or else I couldn’t be such a narcissistic, misanthropic Hedonist. I’m sure I line up with a great deal of other past references (Shakespeare, Mencken, Sartre, Moliere, and Diogenes), but people only seem to know the Bible and Christianity in America. It’s actually kind of depressing, considering.
Still, I’d never slight the Bible’s inherent literary qualities any more than I would that of Shakespeare or Dickens. It’s really quite the masterpiece.
I just found it amusing, honestly. 🙂
As for being narcissistic, misanthropic, and Hedonist, I’ve seen many a Christian who exhibited those traits at some point or another (including moi, who went through something of an emotional crisis a few years ago). The folks that I met who have truly been that way (Christian or not), usually they’re completely unaware of their disorders. So I doubt you’re nearly as bad off as you claim to be. (For instance, you wouldn’t be in the military if you were a true Hedonist. 😉 )
I don’t consider the situations as a disability to who I am, but rather an augmentation. See, without giving a shit about the watchful eye of society, one is free to grow as one sees fit.
(You should note that I’m not a lawmaker behind new laws to force women to be things that they don’t truly want to be, but rather sing the praises of those noble enough to pursue ladylike ideals. Yet many would brand me a tyrant. Really?? It seems to me that trying to censor any type of free speech is tyranny – mine or anyone’s. That’s why if you want to look for who the real fascists are, look to see who would rather find a way to silence an opinion contrary to theirs – rather than discuss it to see if any common ground exists between the two where an accord could be made.)
And I’m a veteran, but let me tell you – Hedonism (the bad brand – not the awesome brand I practice) is alive and well in the US Armed Forces! I can’t even count (on all my digits) the times in my career I heard some slimy shit like: “What happens ashore, stays ashore!” or even “What happens at sea stays at sea!” And from married guys, too!
It’s times like those that I hope the tectonic asshole plates of the Universe are lining up in order to match the cheating bastards with the bitches I used to hear of that would sell all her husband’s stuff, clean out his bank accounts, and vanish before he got home. XP
I’m probably going to be chased by an angry mob of women for this, but here goes. Many of the attributes you are describing are those of a Christian wife (I say Christian because I am, I don’t know how other religions roll). Obviously, I was not born with the wisdom of a Christian wife, and there is no doubt that my life and relationships before the role of woman and man were clearly defined was… hell. Confusion, issues with identity, struggles, anger… ect.
My marriage was in turmoil, headed down the drain, swirling, and angry. I was working overtime, going to school, managing the house, and taking care of the children. My husband was working over time, and we struggled with time for intimacy.
Biblically, women are called to be their husband’s helper. Husbands are called to be the Spiritual Leader of the home. As parents, we are both called to raise our children with a love of God so that we can leave a legacy for Christ in future generations. I submit to God first, and my husband second. I am not called to submit to any other man, but that does not mean that I am a bitch to them either! I will follow my husband in any path he chooses, except into sin.
We discuss hard issues together, and we pray about them. This opens up a direct line of communication between us that many couples don’t have. I respect the authority of his final decisions, trusting that he is doubly accountable in his role as leader. I teach my daughter to submit to her father, so that when she marries, she will understand the importance of the roles in marriage. We teach our son to lead, to be accountable, and to treat women with gentleness and love, as we are the weaker vessel.
We acknowledge our strengths and weakness that make us work together as a married couple. I am not as physically strong as my husband, and I never question his masculinity. I am happy to be feminine, soft, and gentle, and vulnerable to my husband. I never speak poorly of my husband, either to his face, or to others. This will only serve to quickly diminish and undermine the trust we have in each other. It shows a complete lack of respect.
I manage the house now, and although I am not perfect, I make an effort to take care of my home and family with a joyful heart. Acts done in resentment will build nothing but isolation in a family. I do not work, and although it continues to be a huge adjustment, and I struggle from time to time with the feeling that I am not doing ALL I could in terms of bring finances into the home, it has relieved a huge burden from us. We have learned to live in the same way we had before, with one income, and a whole lot less stress.
I fill my free time with things my husband encourages, because he knows what my passions are. He encourages my writing, and all my artistic adventures. I support his love of the outdoors, fishing, and hiking. We mingle these things together to spend quality time together.
Men and women are created differently; emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It’s always been unnatural for me to take charge, to demand to have the same attributes as a man. It’s like a flower trying to be a lion. I am happy to be a lady.
The last thing I typically allow is a soapbox for a person of a religious bent, as I am an Agnostic. I was raised as a Baptist, and although there are many good things in the Bible, there are also many things wrong with it. Anyone with an inquiring mind will eventually discover them.
That said, I have nothing but RESPECT for a woman like yourself who applies herself wholeheartedly to the role of “wife” and “Mom”. While it may not be the most difficult job in the world, it is definitely the most difficult one a lady can ever undertake.
Most ladies could take a Biblical cue for proper etiquette and deference to a gentleman, but that’s where I’d end the research. If you’re for slavery, against gays, or even against shrimp (the Biblical stances for each), then you’ll find I am no longer amenable to your world view.
Most Christians these days forget the words of Paul in Romans 14:22 – “Hast thou faith? have it to thyself before God.” In other words, keep it to yourself. However, I *am* glad that you’ve shared your story with us. That was very well written.
reblogged this on http://crazybunny66.wordpress.com/
Hmmmmmmm.I am torn between being enlightened and offended. I suppose either one is better than being bored.
Somewhere between the two is where I believe the Universe finds entertainment. 🙂
Reblogged this on Shinashi's Thoughts
This would be an eerily, if more gestated and formulaic thought on a topic I spent a few hours responding to feminist column writers on. ( Typically many vociferous advocates for women’s rights publish articles under some aphorism like: “Where have all the Men Gone?” Essentially my responses have been a variation on this theme you have propounded. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too, ladies.” You can’t have the gentleman era back and not suspect your hard-won rights to go back down a few digits on the scale of gender equality.
Really, the gender relationship is a delicately balanced see-saw at best. Overload it enough to achieve equality it ends up not being a see-saw anymore because it’s unusable. Too much one side and you have inequality or repression. As such – a very delicate thing.
Frankly, my view of the average woman is very disposed and disenfranchised. Perhaps it is because I am used to seeing good men being rolled over by bitches – I know I’ve been cheated on every time I’ve been in a relationship.
However, paradoxically – there are a lot of ladies in relationships with scumbag guys. Really here is were you go more into sociological and genetic orienteering though. What men desire is what they do not need – in the same, what women may desire is not what they need. My experience should make that transparent enough. My relationship radar is off. ( There are other reasons, but they detract from OP. )
I should tell you that having been raised without a father or brother, but rather a mother and two sisters. As such I should delude myself into thinking I have a bit more insight into the female psyche than John Doe.
I say with the utmost respect,
Men, what you want is never what you need.
Women, what you want is never what you need.
A provocative and well articulated article indeed,
Thanks for the read!
I can tell you’ve expended a lot of thought on this subject. Most any thinking man of this age should. It will keep you away from the wrong women (bitches). These range at best from beautiful dullards to manipulative, thieving shrews. The former, most men will be with until the want to have sex with them is overshadowed by the mental drain it is to listen to them speak, and the latter will typically marry the man, undermine him at every turn, and then – once his will is entirely broken and beyond repair – take him for everything she can get her grubby little paws on in divorce court.
As for what both genders want and need, that’s a pretty decent summation. I’d further add that wants tend to lose value once gained, and needs are ALWAYS of necessity.
Well, yes, the way the mind works under our current socio-economic umbrella I would be inclined to agree. However I am far from a proponent of utilitarianism or the equation value to scarcity or achievement. You have a very good point though – maybe a thought worth grinding up in the brain-blender of thought/experience?
I think a step further is to say that needs have been so divorced by the value of wants that needs have been devalued or blown out of proportion to respectability. I don’t watch TV, but I would imagine a lot of commercials are the same as when I was a kid and watched TV. You – NEED – this and then subtle manipulation by variation telling you why you want this and then why want must become need. Of course, respectively this is very applicable to how even men and women interact with each-other today – much less in esteem to each-other.
I would go so far as to argue that our entire notion relationship and gender equality is or has been destroyed by Pop Culture. It is all a bad idea – and guess what? If you expose someone to a bad idea ten times a day, every day, that subconscious click that distinguishes good from bad idea is going to eventually flip the other way. You’re going to start thinking that bad idea is a good one.
By various circumstances want then gets confused with need – and here we are!
A bit more of a circuitous path to stating what I’ve already said elsewhere, but true nonetheless. More than likely, the future will find me touching on the subject again at some point.
Reblogged this on Mimsy and Alice on Wonderland and commented:
A man wrote this and I absolutely love it. It is everything I believe!!!
I reblogged. Hope you don’t mind and hit follow 🙂 As a woman I completely (I know surprising) agree with absolutely everything you said and have had many great debates on this subject. I honestly believe we as women seem to work on a daily bases to make our lives harder and change our role in society. I believe the princess complex (perfectly named) has trickled to cause so many other problems in society. We as women have forgotten why we are so important and lost pride in our job as such.
It’s so true. I weep for the American household that used to be – before banks decided to capitalize on feminism and decent houses were forever moved out of the accessibility of a single, average income.
Men knew a long time ago what I think women are just beginning to realize: you CANNOT have a 100% home life (housekeeping, child-rearing, etc.) AND a 100% work life by yourself! It’s a vicious lie; and the more women buy into it in this country, the more despair we see in the average person.
Whenever women and men once again see through the pretentious lie that is the “Martha Stewart” syndrome, we can begin to heal as a nation.
Oh! And I’ll be sorting through my new followers tomorrow (once all this has died down a bit), and will end up following whichever blogs are interesting and not completely riddled with grammatical errors. 😉 Hope to see you then!
you are absolutely correct in that you cannot have 100% home life and 100% work life. I certainly wish more people would see it that way.
lol you will completely laugh at me then. I am full of errors. Most of my writing is fast jibberish with the 5 month old in my lap and 3 others not far behind. I am 100% house wife and mother. So I am pretty busy, but I find that if I write the jibberish in my head down then I am calmer and my brain isn’t going a hundred miles an hour. So sorry in advance for my errors. I agree with all you say though. We are pretty average I play my part and my husband does his. We are lower income, but we always seem to find a way for all our needs and even some of our wants, but truth be told we have a very simple way of life. It works for us and our little ones.
Hey, don’t worry about it. There was only one Shakespeare, yet there’ve been many other plays. Keep writing, and one day when your house is emptier and your mind is calmer, you may even surprise yourself with how far you’ve come.
And the simple life works for a LOT of people (especially in this economy)! No one that’s managing to make do with less would ever argue that more bills (for crap most people don’t really need) would help make life easier. Good for you, dear.
Thanks so much!
First, I like the way you absolve yourself in the first paragraph by saying what you’re doing here is silly.
Second, I agree, the ladies and the gentlemen that you describe are truly a rare breed.
Third, you would be interesting under a microscope. *raises one eyebrow* Therefore, if you don’t mind, I will ‘follow’ you, as I don’t have time right now to read your previous posts.
Fourth, your book will surely do well if this article is any indication, assuming you are working on writing it, not reading it. In the case of the latter, never mind.
It’s not meant to be an absolution quite so much as it is a statement of the painfully obvious. One should immediately realize the peculiarity of a writer writing about a gender other than their own. Also, it’s meant to point out that that doesn’t necessarily stop numerous other writers from doing it, so fair is fair.
And as far as the book I’m writing, it’s fictional – although I shall no doubt one day organize all my random blog-type thoughts into a collection of some sort as well.
Excellent. Best of luck with those. Having said that, I will, in all probability, read them for myself.
This was quite an interesting read, and opinion. I agree with a lot of what you say, but then I disagree with some. For instance: My partner hated when I never disagreed with him. He didn’t like the meekness. The fact that I didn’t stand up for myself when he knew he was in the wrong. He wanted me to fight some. I guess he wanted to see my strength, now disagreeing with him in front of others was a no-no. I really got a few laughs out of this as well.
You should’ve read the article more carefully. I didn’t advise women (seeking to be ladies) to never disagree – just to do so in private, and with a good attitude. Men and women are bound to disagree… and when a gentleman is wrong, he should be man enough to admit it. Also, when a lady is wrong, her man should patiently explain why (teaching her, so to speak), and she should admit being wrong when she understands as well.
Robots are only fun for a while. Hopefully though, the things you agree on (and find fun to do together) greatly outweigh those that you don’t. The more a couple has in common, the longer the relationship is likely to last.
You had me until you started listing out the traits of a lady. I wish I could turn back time, stay home with my kids and focus soley on waiting on my man, raising my kids and keeping a clean house. But… this is 2013.
While I do serve my man, make all the meals, clean house and bathe and feed the kids -myself- I also work a full time job. Not because I want to (the full time job thing I mean). I’d much rather raise my family. This is what society has done to me. Yes, me.
Needless to say, after putting the kids to bed, this momma is a little too worn out to recognize my status and never be disagreeable. I will share my opinion -I assure you- but of course always in private, because I’m a lady like that. 😉
My hubby likes to suggest that “us women” did it to ourselves, but I can hardly be held to blame for what started well before my time. That’s just my opinion.
I disagree with your husband that women did it to themselves. Granted, they were instrumental in starting it (with the feminist movement, et al), but it was evil bastards in high places that made the financial decisions that led to the inflation of the economy. When these same bastards realized that there would be too much public resistance against women’s suffrage and women in the workplace, they instead greedily capitalized on the same – making it impossible for anyone with only one income to be able to afford a decent house.
This, in turn, made for a poorer class of single people (doomed to rent – which is in and of itself always a losing deal), and single-handedly destroyed the American household as we had known it.
Now granted, I know of a few ladies in marriages where only the husband works (not wealthy couples, either), but they definitely make do with less. Personally, I’d advocate that route, as life is happier on the whole (believe it or not) and the Mom gets to spend more time caring for and educating her children.
Well said. Unfortunately, living on one income has a lot of risks I’m not willing to take and so I suffer the consequences. That being said, I’ve made the best of it and we live a happy life. I try to give my kids (and the hubby) all the attention they crave, which is difficult with all of my other responsibilities. But I do it. I just know it could’ve been a whole lot easier the way it was. Life simplified. Thanks for your response and for hearing me out. 🙂
No problem… you seem to be trying your best, and I can appreciate that.
Just try not to take any of the frustrations of your current situation out on your husband, and your home life should be that much sweeter. ^_^
I think the qualities you list are a lot of personal preference and many of them just seem really old school (not sure how old you are). I’d adopt a couple, but reject most of the others.
* She is quiet in public – but never to be stubborn – merely because she has the decorum to be reserved.
I prefer women that are gregarious and sociable. I don’t like quiet/shy girls.
* If she has a man, she supports him unquestionably in public and private – both when he is present and when he is not.
I like this a lot. My mother had a critical personality and I hated it. Being supportive is hugely important to me, despite my own personality being supportive in a critical (i.e. thought-provoking) manner.
* She doesn’t work, unless she is single – and therefore without the care of a proper gentleman.
I prefer a driven woman with her own life and career as I could get drunk off of her drive and become even more motivated to achieve my own greatness. I like my women a bit on the assertive side (though not bitchy).
Ultimately, being a man means having your own standards. It’s up to each man to figure them out for himself.
What you mention is not merely a manly quality, but a human quality. Man or woman, we must have standards… metaphorical lines drawn in the dirt, beyond which we do not allow adverse advancement.
Whether you agree with mine or not is (obviously) up to you… they are what I recognize as being the most ladylike after a lifetime of experience with both ladies and bitches.