Still Alive

I woke up this morning, oddly enough, with this Portal song stuck in my head.  It was odd because I honestly was not dreaming about GLaDOS.

As I was groggily finishing my morning pee, it segued abruptly in my head to my own existence – and my earliest lessons on who “God” was.  Bear with me, here… it’s a very abrupt segue.

It got me to thinking about the God we children of Baptist parents are first introduced to – the God of the Old Testament.  By all accounts, he was a vengeful, jealous, angry God.  And that’s not me saying that – that’s him (Romans 12:19, Exodus 34:14, Psalms 7:11)!  Me?  I’d just call him what most folks call people that are vengeful, jealous, and angry – a prick.  And this is where the segue makes sense… I am still alive.

For all the fire and judgment that ol’ Yahweh was slinging around in the OT, he has directed remarkably few (okay, no) brimstone blusterings my way.  There is verse after verse in the OT promising riches and rewards for good, and misery and judgment for “evil” (I’m pretty sure even sloth makes the cut for that team.) in one’s life.  And trust me ladies and gentlemen: even though I’m more often merely guilty of procrastination, I’m no saint.  I haven’t been to church in years… the God of the Universe I tend to believe in is far different from everything I was ever taught… and for the amount of support I’ve given the gay community in the past, I’ve been burned from the sky exactly zero times.

Hell, I’ve even tried to take my own life a time or two.  You’d think if Yahweh were stoking the flames of the afterlife, eager to get me there, that he would’ve allowed me to charge right in – no waiting.  I’d certainly deserve it (according to him).  So why not?

Well, like anyone who believes in something silly – be it Yahweh, Santa Claus, or even evolution – eventually you just have to wise up.  If the concept of God helps you through the day, fine… make your own.  As long as your “God” doesn’t have you interfering in others’ lives when they aren’t hurting anyone (like those WBC assholes), and he gives you comfort in times of personal trials and adversity – fine.  That’s why I’m not too hard on my Mom.  Everyone needs a Teddy bear of some sort.

Just don’t go telling people your Teddy bear is going to send them to hell.  That’s just rude.

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About Emperor Lu Bu

The Emperor of Xeresgate - if you wish to know more, read my words.
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7 Responses to Still Alive

  1. Kurt Williams says:

    I just read this.. as a Catholic I was raised on this God too… man this post really ran true with me.. Im an abomination in the eyes of the lord I guess.. and yet I too am… “STILL ALIVE”

  2. Shakil says:

    Nice job English. Really enjoying your blogs btw, as a religious guy this was interesting to read 🙂 even still according to my god I should be stoned hundreds of times, even for statements like “Gays should have rights.”

  3. nyelome says:

    I am oddly reminded of Diogenes of Sinope reading your articles. I’m as likely to have a man in rags standing before me with as vast a revelation as: ” BEHOLD A CHICKEN!” – and subsequent revision of the Platonic definition of a Man; as a man rolling his tub up and down his hill in a frantic attempt to amuse himself with perceived business. ” I must be a bee to identify with bees! Gods why cant I understand…?!”

    Curious, and I have a question. Your ‘teddy bear’, would you say as an agnostic that it’s transcendent rather than eminent? That is to say, Truth rather than truth ? I ask – honestly – to offer an approximation of yourself to myself.

    I’m fairly sure I know which gun you’re firing, but i’m not apt to jump to conclusions any more than hope Kris Kringle would gut me this December.

    • To answer your question, it’s not my Teddy bear. And it’s a symbol: those things that comfort us beyond any discernible reason that they should. Truth (with a capital T), I take to mean those things which are Universally apparent – gimmes such as “Do not kill; do not rape; do not steal.” (<— borrowing proudly from The Boondock Saints)

      Lower-case truths are those facts which must be taught: the subjective side of life.

      …And that's what I'm here for. 😉

      (Oh! Also: thanks for the Diogenes reference. I like reading new things on Wikipedia, and I’d [remarkably] never heard of him.)

      • nyelome says:

        Glad to supply the reference. There’s always more to know! – even if i’m a firm believer in not using the almighty wikipedia.

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